Thursday, July 21, 2011
10:17 PM
I'm just feeling really upset this few days. thought that i wont be so troubled. But i realised that i'm not as strong as what faci says to me. I'm unable to make these situations better. In fact, everything has changed, it has gone out of ways of it should be. I'm unable to handle all these things anymore. I feel like giving up. Can i? I just feel like giving up everything and goes out of everyone existence. Because of my presence, it just turned out badly. i gave my friends bad impression, but none of them understand what i'm facing. Scolding me when they are not in my shoes. Saying theirs situation is the same. If you are in these situations would you people be as tough as it is? I came to such a long way already and i begin to feel so restless and tired of everything. Just wanna put everything to an end. But can i?
When i'm smiling, it's not the real me? imgaine that you have to put on a mask for the whole day, the moment you got home is just all crying, irritated, angry and moodless face. Would you be able to survive these days? I tried to survive. but what did i got? i expect nothing to be returned to me. All i want is just love, care and concern from my friends and family. I just feel like getting the burden off me. Whenever i thought of it, i couldnt bear to do it. Because i think of lot of factors. Wouldnt it be a waste? I'm feeling really really scared. But who will understand? No one. All i want is a hug, a shoulder to cry on. I used to have people to confine in but now i have no one at all. i regretted everything and everything. i let time to heal it, but it couldnt heal at all. the pain and the scar is getting deeper and deeper. My heart is bleeding. Can anyone stop the bleed? I have tried to think of all the positives points, but it seems that more and more negatives points came out. what can i do? always hiding in one corner crying, crying in my dreams, breaking down to cry when there's no one at home. I tried to force my tears not to drop. But right now i cant seems to hold on anymore.
I'm really scared. Really scared of everything. I couldnt do it well. I'm really blaming myself for not putting in enough effort. I'm to be blame. Whatever i do, it's not going well. It's better not to have my existence right? How i wish i was not here. Couldnt hold on anymore. Breaking down in any moments.
Labels: really tired.
