Tuesday, January 18, 2011
7:24 PM
school was fine till after school i started to think lots of stuffs. I realise that my source of money was gone. which is mum's bf. After the fight 2 days ago, i think they broke off. No more allowances from him and i never get money from dad. And mum never gave me allowances anymore. Well, because of these i had to spend my savings which is only $150 to pay for consession today. Left over money suppose to be save and now, i have to use it as my own allowances.
I dont think i can survive. And i'm troubling over my school fees for year 3. my final year. What should i do? If mum got a new bf i dont mind, but will he be good? I wonder. And now, many things just come very sudden and i dont know how to handle and what should i do? I think and think and think. No money is one thing, and i even thought of quitting school just to work. But i'm only left iwth one more year to go. So what can i do? I'm seriously making myself worse.
I can only cry and cry and cry. What should i do? CNY is around the corner and we should be happy and preparing for it. But what's wrong? I'm not happy at all and not even preparing at all. I think till my head really pain. My tears are just dropping and i cant control it. Haiis. What to do? Cry is only i can do. How i wish i was dead then at the point i was on the bus just now on the way home. Haiis.
Labels: it's really pointless
Thursday, January 13, 2011
10:23 PM
cheer up my girl~
Hmmm, recently i feel so annoyed and sad over tons of things. Well, now it's seems like i dont give a damn to it anymore. because i know it's hopeless to carrying on thinking. So i decided to just shut up.
And i had been very very tired even i went for lessons. Not sure what's the reason but it's really making me dozing off in class. and i have never being that tired before. Maybe it's because of the internal fight and external fight with family. That's why i felt drained. Had been sleeping early but early is not that early is always almost 12mn or later i went to sleep. Had the determination to sleep early but because of many stuffs i always slept late. Doesnt want to sleep late but always turn out to be like this.
Well, so i decided to sleep early tonight as i just changed the bloody spare phone to my sister's spare phone which the outer case is totally ruined. But is the same model and i can call out!! WOOHOOO. Okay i'm just excited due to i can call out. As i really feel like giving up the thoughts of getting iphone4. Due to omma, of cos because of her. She has been dragging the changing of phone for almost 2 months. And it's already almost CNY soon. She doesnt want to change the phone even though my phone was pronounce dead 2 days ago. She is just that stubborn!! What a stubborn omma i have.
Hmmm, sat & sun will be spent over at her there because of warehouse sales. I ask iris to come along to help out as she will get paid for sat~! So sat we will be together for the whole day!! WOOHOO!! As i told Omma that we will be leaving at 4.30pm to go for SGTS gathering. Cant wait to see everyone on sat and get my SGTS tee too~!! HEHEHE!!!
HELLO MY DEAR MRS KIM KI BUM(IRIS). Please dont think too much alright? You made me worried for you. Well, if you can ignore those matters just ignore, and maybe you can have a talk to make things better? I dont know that will it make the matter better or worse. But a talk need to solve things out. If not it's really hard to carrying on. We have one year to go then 2012 will comes. It's only the starting of 2011 and you are already suffering!! Be happy like me? Okay i'm not really that happy because of many things i already suffer at the starting. But cheer up. Alright? You told me to cheer up no matter what happen. Well you too can!! Okay?? :) remember that MRS SHIN SOO HYUN will be always here for you! SARANGHAE~!<3
Labels: sleepy sleepy, tired tired~
Thursday, January 06, 2011
9:19 PM
Irritating Life~
It's just only the Sixth day of new year of 2011~ And i have to face all these irritating shits all once again!!! I'm super angry and disappointed with my mum. This is not the first time!! Why do i have this kind of mother. She does not provide what a mother will give to her children. Every children still get allowances from their mother but why am i the only one not getting any allowances from her? Why must i have to work while studying? Why must i suffer all these kinds of tough situations?
I should be studying but not working and studying at the same time. I work for allowances to spend for school and other stuffs. So what i'm getting $200 allowance from your bf, cant you just use your brain to think $200 can do what? Every month no need buy bus concession that cost $52, No need pay for driving lessons and the rest is being used for school. All $200 cant even last me for one month. Only like half a month. And keep say where does all the money goes to? HELLO THINK LAR! I ALREADY SAY IS CONCESSION, SCHOOL & DRIVING LESSONS! DONT YOU UNDERSTAND MY WORDS? Why must i suffer? Dad every month give you $1250 what did you do with the money? The money dad gave is for you to pay for our education and use as our allowances but what did you do with the money? And you still dare to say that you are my MUM?
And how did you treat your children this few years? Ever thought why your youngest son and youngest daughter always talk back to you and why did your son become so rebellious? I also think that i failed as a elder sister as i really have no time to teach him all the manners which a MOTHER SHOULD TEACH! Did you ever think? Because you failed as a mother. You never even care for your sons and daugthers when they are at the critical period of the year. You dont even see the how they are going every year. You dont even bother how they feel and what did they faced and come back with an unhappy face and troubled face. You totally just only care for your BF! Results not good come scold scold scold, hello did you ever care for his grades? he didnt do well is because no one teaches him and no one is asking how he's being doing for studies! So what i can say is that you failed as a MOTHER.
You have been forcing us to do whatever we dont like. Your own canteen stuffs keep ask me to do, and i always tell you to go find someone who can help you do with your menus and i'm very tired after school and my brain wont work normally after being using tons of brain cells in school to solve the problem statement. I always help you do and being forced to finish up everything and i dont have sufficient time to study at all. Already say that i printed the correct one you keep say wrong. I'm not an old lady with poor memory alright? And i tell you properly you scolded me back. You expect me to talk to you nicely after you raises your voice at me? I already explain and explain why cant you just listen and understand and use your brain to think? You always tell us to go back to dad's place stay whenever you are angry and chase us out on weekends whenever we say we are going out. I would really go dad's place if dad says okay! I really cant stand all these kinds of things.
I'm seriously too disappointed in you! Now i have to trouble about my school fees for the final year as my PSEA account had been drained due to paying the school fees. When i graduate and work, you better dont expect that i will support you with the money i earn and dont ever try to get a single cents from me. Since you treat this to your children i'm sure you will receive the same thing from your children. I wont treat my children like this in future.
All i can say that i failed as a elder sister too. I dont give my sibling extra money when they wants not like other elder sister can pay for them. I cant. I dont have the money and i cant support for my siblings. And even though i care for them but i cant do much for them. I wanted to have a good relationship with my siblings but what can i do? We always argued and had a small fight. I'm always the one end up crying up and pissing off by myself. Haiis. What can i do? I also wont want to bother my dad. I should have gotten what i should get. But why all these things are not coming and not mine? I'm totally disappointed. I dont have much hope in changing a new phone. If i continue to suffer all these kind of shitty stuffs, one day just believe me ONE DAY, i wont be here in this world and i wont be there by all your sides then you will realise that what you had done is totally disappointing and regrets for not being able to treat your children with care! One day if i'm really not here anymore...... Haiis. No matter what, while i typing this post i feel like crying but i wont want to cry out.. i'm really upset and heart is totally broken. Is even more pain then breaking up with boyfriend. Haiis. I'm a soft hearted person, i wont get angry with a person for too long. And this really make me feel so dishearted. Haiis.
Labels: shitty life.....
