Saturday, August 11, 2012
2:33 AM
It's been a long time that i last seen blogged. Because i neglected my blog, removed my chatbox because i think it's useless to have it there with some idiotic comments that i don't think that its link to my blog. Well, how long as it been when i sinced last blogged. I'm always troubled with stuffs well, it's commonly relationships. But now it's seems like work related and relationships. Because these two are the hardest to maintain.
As the time goes by, i'm still standly alone. Alone without anyone, not even a HIM and nobody to confide with whenever i felt sad, angry and happy. Who else can i find to confide? No one. Not even my own siblings and not even my close sister. Because i realised that i don't have much friends. What are friends for? I don't have a BFF nor a BF nor even a common friend. Well they are living well off without me. And i'm still barely standing alone and catching my own breath of staying alive working hard off my ass and stop being sick everytime. I know that my immune system is pretty low but i'm working hard to boost it up.
Working hard to earn money is not easy, but spending money is so easy that i could go broke anytime. Well i came up with a decision to save money for better uses, espcially for my holiday trips. Yes a trip to get out of the country and enjoy myself. Anyway it's next year for sure.
And it's really a long story for me to blogged. but it's pretty late right now and i'm still having eye infection that i need to rest well to recovered. Work starts on Monday at the place i desired.
thus, i think it's time for me to sleep. Just feeling guilty for the short post. Nah~
Monday, October 10, 2011
8:08 PM
finally i understand how people think of me. say me being paranoid. yes i'm. i learnt my lesson. and i realised that i'm actually really weak in mental. cant take a single thing that just happen. i broke down and cried. yes i cried. i cried till my eyes are swollen. Know why? because my heart has broken into pieces again. it broke into pieces again. knowing that i'm not well yet due to the infection. i still cried no matter what. it just pain in my heart.
Learning the lesson of being not to be what i am. I wanna change yes but i cant change right? a leopard wont change it spots. this words reflects to me. like what i keep say about the ones that i knew years. actually i'm the one that is the leopard wont change it spots. thats why all are leaving me for good. I really dont deserve a good treatment like this. i wont get what i want. i wont get what it's meant for me. it just that it's not for me and never be meant for me. i think it's time to end all these things and i wont be doing this anymore. for good. almost had suscidal thoughts whenever everything happens. it just make me think that it's really scary and how scary it is to end my life. but i gave up the thoughts. I'm Sorry to those people i have hurt. I wont bother anyone of you anymore. I will leave and take my things along. Wont be going for anything. No matter what i'm not welcome at all. I know that i'm not welcome so i wont be going without being invited.
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
9:03 PM
tiring~
gosh, i'm really mad tired. Last week thursday- sunday i was working at comex IT show 2011. The sales was really terrible from what i had work for the last March. Totally terrible. Instead i feel that i'm much more tired than before. Muscles pain, shoulder pain and leg pain. I even promote wrong things. Well it's a joke. Because we are selling earphones, headphones and Protable speakers. was using the speakers to play some songs. So i decided to blast Boyfriend since it's in Joey's ipod. After Listening, i began to promote: " come have a look at our headphones, earphones and PORTABLE
BOYFRIEND!" I was stunned when i really say that out and i laugh and laugh with joey because of the promoting. Didnt expect myself to promote BOYFRIEND instead of Portable SPEAKERS!
So that's fine. But i'm pissed is that people dont seems to understand that you dislike something about them but they still carry on to do the same thing to make the person pissed. well go get some reflection alright?
Due to the 4 days of work. I didnt have much update about the boys(U-KISS) totally unaware what are the people talking about on my timeline. But i'm trying to get as much info as i can. Hopefully they win 1st this time. Hope so yeah. Because i know they want it badly. ^^ HWAITING my dear boys~ especially my Soohyun~ ♥
Went to "somewhere" today. it was pretty alright. I had stone grill- grilled fish for lunch. It's pretty awesome. Because the meal total up could cost $100plus in Normal restuarant. BUT IT ONLY COST US $56 only!! WOOHOOO. Awesome right? hahahaha. Went walking around the shopping centre. Bought letter M necklace for myself and Sister. Bought myself a shoes and bought some hairclips and rubber bands. heheh. total up it cost me about only $50!! worth it!! i can get so many stuffs at only $50! not bad yeah! Somemore i have biscuits too!! Totally worth! if i can go again i wanna go. but with my sister~ hehehe.
After came back from the shopping, went to take a nap and had my dinner as well as fruits. pretty healthy~ Because i'm on diet. Need fruits to balance the diet. But i'm afraid that i will munch on biscuits pretty much~ Since it's holiday for me. Intended to find jobs but working hours are not really flexible. yeah. shall re-consider again. hehe~
I'm excited for U-KISS comeback stage! Gonna stuck myself on my laptop to watch the streaming!! HEHEHEHE!! 2 MORE DAYS~!! ♥
Labels: ♥♥♥ 2 MORE DAYS~♥
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
3:38 AM
Long time~!
It's been a long time i ever post a blog post. about a month or so yeah. well. Life still goes on no matter what happens. Because time will never stop for us. I just hope that we can get back together as friends. although i'm trying to approaching and making it and acting like normal. But i'm trying my own best. I guess i couldnt fangirl as much as i want sooner or later. because it's just that feelings seems to be weird. Well i'm not sure why.
Forget about that subject. I'm still waiting to move into Daddy's place. 2 more months to go. Hopefully i get to work events during the holidays so that i get my target soon. Yes i need it for my room! Happy that i'm gonna have my own room. And there're many thing i have to go and buy. Including wardrobe, mirror, tables, chair, ovens and many other items. And painting my own room as well. Into PINK~ Wanted paint green but i dont think they will allow me to. Because green colour might not be good for a room. So no choice yeah. Many items~!! i will try harder and save up more to hit my target! HWAITING!! Right now waiting for results to be out. About 3 weeks time it will be out! HOPEFULLY i do well. PRAY HARD~ ! Planning to invite my friends when i move into daddy's place. hehehe. gonna plan about that.
I hope my loved ones will have better smile. and have a smooth sailing life. I LOVE YOU ALL~ MY sgts unnies, dongsaengs and chingus. My kissmes friends as well. ♥♥
Labels: praying hard to make sure everything goes smoothly for everyone~
Thursday, July 21, 2011
10:17 PM
I'm just feeling really upset this few days. thought that i wont be so troubled. But i realised that i'm not as strong as what faci says to me. I'm unable to make these situations better. In fact, everything has changed, it has gone out of ways of it should be. I'm unable to handle all these things anymore. I feel like giving up. Can i? I just feel like giving up everything and goes out of everyone existence. Because of my presence, it just turned out badly. i gave my friends bad impression, but none of them understand what i'm facing. Scolding me when they are not in my shoes. Saying theirs situation is the same. If you are in these situations would you people be as tough as it is? I came to such a long way already and i begin to feel so restless and tired of everything. Just wanna put everything to an end. But can i?
When i'm smiling, it's not the real me? imgaine that you have to put on a mask for the whole day, the moment you got home is just all crying, irritated, angry and moodless face. Would you be able to survive these days? I tried to survive. but what did i got? i expect nothing to be returned to me. All i want is just love, care and concern from my friends and family. I just feel like getting the burden off me. Whenever i thought of it, i couldnt bear to do it. Because i think of lot of factors. Wouldnt it be a waste? I'm feeling really really scared. But who will understand? No one. All i want is a hug, a shoulder to cry on. I used to have people to confine in but now i have no one at all. i regretted everything and everything. i let time to heal it, but it couldnt heal at all. the pain and the scar is getting deeper and deeper. My heart is bleeding. Can anyone stop the bleed? I have tried to think of all the positives points, but it seems that more and more negatives points came out. what can i do? always hiding in one corner crying, crying in my dreams, breaking down to cry when there's no one at home. I tried to force my tears not to drop. But right now i cant seems to hold on anymore.
I'm really scared. Really scared of everything. I couldnt do it well. I'm really blaming myself for not putting in enough effort. I'm to be blame. Whatever i do, it's not going well. It's better not to have my existence right? How i wish i was not here. Couldnt hold on anymore. Breaking down in any moments.
Labels: really tired.
